Based on years of successful counseling of couples, he gives advice on how to counteract these differences in communication styles, emotional needs and modes of behavior to promote a greater understanding between individual partners.
Gray shows how men and women react differently in conversation and how their relationships are affected by male intimacy cycles ("get close", "back off"), and female self-esteem fluctuations ("I'm okay", "I'm not okay").
In a more recent study, researchers examined the preferences of college students participating in a speed-dating event. And that when independent observers who were unaware of the parents beliefs rated the children's clothes as masculine or feminine the ratings showed that the boys and girls in both types of families were dressed according to gender norms.
Prior to their speed-dates, the students rated how important different characteristics would be in making their selections, and the expected gender differences emerged, with women rating physical attractiveness as less important than men. Much early research on gender differences in mating actually supports this myth. She explains that the mothers who were committed to gender equality however saw their children's clothes as less gender-stereotypical even though they were not.
Underneath our various masculine and feminine roles, we all (in different ways) deeply value things like affection, support, understanding, respect, honesty, acceptance, humour, passion, companionship, freedom, security, and more besides.
In some ways having clear gender roles can help us fit together more easily - it provides a sense of place and certainty.
However, this approach to developing understanding and meaningful connections is heavily dependant on cultural conditioning.
With practical suggestions on how to reduce conflict, crucial information on how to interpret a partner's behavior and methods for preventing emotional "trash from the past" from invading new relationships, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus is a valuable tool for couples who want to develop deeper and more satisfying relationships with their partners. Fix-It and the home-improvement committee -- Men go to their caves and women talk -- How to motivate the opposite sex -- Speaking different languages -- Men are like rubber bands -- Women are like waves -- Discovering our different emotional needs -- How to avoid arguments -- Scoring points with the opposite sex -- How to communicate difficult feelings -- How to ask for support and get it -- Keeping the magic of love alive.
Men talk in very literal terms while women use a more artistic and dramatic vocabulary to fully express their feelings.